Heard from you today...

It's been ages since I read that header which states your email. My heart skipped with joy, only for my hopes to come crashing down a few seconds later when I noticed it was nothing but a standard reply to my email. A courtesy mail that I had ccd you on whilst informing all the people who needed to know that our wedding is well and truly off.

My heart died a little more as I told everyone this. Reading those words in black and white somehow made the break up more real, more brutal.

You continue life like nothing has happened; while I continue life pretending nothing has happened. The pretense of  a smile has cracked me in a million little pieces.

Who do I blame? You? Me? Your family? God? Frankly, I don't want to play the blame game. All I want is this pain to end... someone please end this pain...

One month and a few weeks later

Dear Jay,

It's been one month, two weeks and 3 days since you ripped my world apart, but a lifetime of hell has passed through each second that has gone by.

I still don't understand. I still live in denial. I still live in hope.

Every time my phone rings, every time my message beeps, every time I hear the doorbell ring, my heart skips a beat. Hoping and praying that you have found a way back into my life. That our love has prevailed against the abuse heaped on to me by your family. The abuse that you heaped on to the woman you had promised to spend a lifetime keeping happy.

Please come home to me. I prefer not waking up in the morning when faced with the devastation of not having you by my side.

Please come home....

xx